Tag: recipe

Real-AF Recipes

5-Minute Banana Pancake Bites: Survival Food for Parents

Potty Mouth Panda

Look, I’m not here to sell you on the magic of homemade pancakes at 7 AM. I’m here to give you the one breakfast recipe that meets you exactly where the hell you’re at: exhausted, out of patience, and one “I don’t wannnnna” away from serving cereal for the third day in a row.

These Banana Pancake Bites are not gourmet. They’re survival food masquerading as something cute. They’re soft, snackable, and the closest thing to a “win” you’ll get before coffee.

🍌 Why These Save My Sanity

✅ One bowl. One. I am not washing more than that before noon.
✅ Uses that one sad banana slowly turning to liquid on your counter.
✅ Cook in 5 minutes. Faster than a tantrum over the “wrong” color cup.
✅ Fridge/freezer friendly. Make a batch, reheat all week, feel like a genius.
✅ Disguises as lunchbox gold or an after-school snack. Versatility is key when you’re out of fucks to give.

📝 What You Need (The “Look in Your Pantry” List)

The Essentials:

  • 1 ripe banana (the spottier, the sweeter)
  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 cup milk (any kind)
  • 1/2 cup flour (all-purpose, whole wheat, or oat flour all work)
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder (optional but gives ’em a little puff)
  • A dash of cinnamon

The “Fancy” Upgrade (Optional):

  • Mini chocolate chips or blueberries
  • A splash of vanilla extract
  • A pinch of smugness for pulling this off

👩🍳 How to Make Them (Without Losing Your Mind)

Step 1: The Mash
In a medium bowl, mash the banana until it’s mostly smooth. A few lumps are fine—this isn’t a cooking show, it’s a Tuesday morning and your children are feral.

Step 2: The Whisk
Whisk in the egg, milk, and cinnamon until it looks like questionable yellow soup. This is normal I swear.

Step 3: The Stir
Sprinkle in the flour and baking powder. Stir until just combined. A few dry streaks? Who cares. Overmixing is the enemy of fluffy bites. Fold in chocolate chips or blueberries if you’re feeling fancy or bribeful.

Step 4: The Cook
Heat a non-stick skillet or griddle over medium heat. Lightly grease it if yours isn’t truly non-stick.
Drop small spoonfuls of batter (about 1 tbsp each) onto the hot surface. These are bites, not full pancakes. Keep them small.
Cook for 1-2 minutes, until you see bubbles on top and the edges look set. Flip. Cook for another 1-2 minutes until golden and cooked through.

Step 5: The Survive
Serve warm with syrup, extra fruit, or just a deep sigh of relief.

💡 My Pro-Tips (Learned Through Chaos)

  • Batch Cook & Freeze: Double the recipe. Let cool completely, then freeze in a single layer on a baking sheet before tossing into a bag. Reheat in the toaster oven or microwave straight from frozen.
  • The “Picky Eater” Hack: Use a mini cookie cutter to make shapes after cooking. Or just call them “banana dots” and watch them disappear.
  • No Baking Powder? They’ll be denser, like little banana fritters. Still delicious.
  • Gluten-Free? Oat flour works perfectly here.

🐼 This Recipe Lives Inside a Bigger Plan

This recipe is a featured player in this week’s WTF’s for Dinner Club meal plan. If you’re tired of piecing breakfast, lunch, and dinner together every damn day, the club is your done-for-you solution.

Each week, you get:

  • A full meal plan (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks)
  • All recipes (not just teasers)
  • A sorted grocery list
  • Prep hacks to save your sanity
  • Everything delivered straight to your inbox

👉 [Want the whole week handled? Join the WTF’s for Dinner Club here.]

Made these? Tag me @PottyMouthPanda — I live for your kitchen wins (and your hilarious fails). For more real-AF survival food and commiseration, find your people in the Coffee, Chaos & Curse Words Facebook group.

Surviving one banana bite at a time,
🐼 Potty Mouth Panda

WTFs for Dinner

WTF’s for Dinner — This Week’s Real-AF Meal Plan

Potty Mouth Panda

If you’re already tired and it’s not even 10 am yet, congrats — you’re in the right fuckin place.

This is this week’s WTF’s for Dinner meal plan. These Plans are built for hot mess parents who don’t want gourmet nonsense, separate meals, or a nightly debate over what counts as “real food.”

Below you’ll see the full weekly lineup, three featured recipes, and the option to have everything done-for-you if you’re over planning entirely.

🍳 Breakfasts (Low Effort, High Survival Rate)

These are the breakfasts you can rotate all week without anyone dramatically announcing they’re “starving.”

This Week’s Breakfasts:

  • Egg Muffin Cups
  • Overnight Oats (Kid-Approved Flavors)
  • Banana Pancake Bites ⭐

⭐ Featured Breakfast: Banana Pancake Bites

These are the “pancakes without committing to a whole pancake situation” option. Soft, snackable, and suspiciously popular with kids who claim they hate breakfast.

They work for:

  • quick mornings
  • lunchboxes
  • after-school “I’m hungry but also picky” moments

👉 [Get the full Banana Pancake Bites recipe here]

(The other recipes are included in full inside the club.)

🥪 Lunches (Packable, Tolerable, No Overthinking)

Lunch does not need to be impressive. It needs to be eaten.

This Week’s Lunches:

  • Ham & Cheese Pinwheels ⭐
  • Tuna Melt Quesadillas (with chicken swap)
  • Hummus & Veggie Snack Plates

These are easy to prep, easy to pack, and flexible enough to survive picky phases.

⭐ Featured Lunch: Ham & Cheese Pinwheels

These are one of those meals that look like you tried harder than you did. No cooking. No drama. Just roll, slice, and move on with your life.

👉 [Get the full Ham & Cheese Pinwheels recipe here]

🍽 Dinners (The Main Event, Already Handled)

This is where the real chaos usually lives so this week’s dinners are built to be filling, familiar, and forgiving.

This Week’s Dinners:

  • Taco Pasta Skillet ⭐
  • Breakfast for Dinner (Pancakes + Bacon + Eggs)
  • Grilled Cheese + Tomato Soup
  • Teriyaki Chicken Rice Bowls
  • Cheeseburger Sliders
  • Mini Meatball Subs
  • Crockpot Chicken & Rice

You’ve got:

  • one-pan dinners
  • comfort food nights
  • a slow cooker option for the days you’re already done by noon

⭐ Featured Dinner: Taco Pasta Skillet

This one is a classic “dump it all in a pan and everyone shuts up” meal. It’s fast, filling, and doesn’t require you to explain what quinoa is.

👉 [Get the full Taco Pasta Skillet recipe here]

🍎 Snacks (Because Hunger Is Apparently a Personality)

Rotating snack options this week:

  • Granola bars
  • Rice cake stacks (PB + banana)
  • Yogurt tubes
  • DIY trail mix
  • Cheese sticks + fruit

Nothing fancy. Nothing controversial. Just food that keeps the peace.

🐼 Want This Whole Plan Done For You Every Week?

WTF’s for Dinner Club gives you:

  • Full recipes for every single meal listed above
  • Prep notes, swaps, and shortcuts to save your sanity
  • A complete, sorted-by-aisle grocery list (no Sunday-night scrambling)
  • Zero decision-making. Just dinner, handled.

👉 [Join WTF’s for Dinner Club here]

If reading this already made you feel calmer about feeding your family, the club is the shortcut. It’s a weekly subscription for parents who want realistic meals, less thinking, and dinner handled without guilt.

Not ready yet? Totally fine. Bookmark this post. Come back next week when dinner starts feeling like a personal attack again.

Surviving together,
🐼 Potty Mouth Panda

P.S. Tried a recipe? Tag me @PottyMouthPanda or scream into the void with us in the Coffee, Chaos & Curse Words Facebook group. We’re all in this hunger game together.

Real-AF Recipes

Real AF Recipe: Crispy Parmesan Chicken Tenders (AKA “How to trick your little shits into eating something that isn’t fucking cereal”)

Potty Mouth Panda

Listen up, you beautiful disaster of a human. If you’re reading this, it means you’ve reached that special stage of parenting where you’re willing to cook actual protein but refuse to do more than the absolute bare fucking minimum. I see you. I am you. And this recipe? It’s our golden ticket to looking like we’ve got our shit together while secretly putting in negative effort.

WHY THIS RECIPE SLAYS:
Because chicken tenders are the universal language of “please just eat something besides god damn goldfish”, and these ones come with a secret weapon: enough Parmesan to disguise the fact that they’re technically real food. Plus, we’re roasting veggies alongside because balance or what the fuck ever.

📝 INGREDIENTS: THE SHOPPING LIST OF BROKEN DREAMS

For the Chicken (The Main Event):

  • 2 lbs chicken tenders (or breasts cut into strips if you’re feeling fancy)
  • 1 cup panko breadcrumbs (or crushed cornflakes if you’re ghetto gourmet)
  • ½ cup grated Parmesan (the cheap, shelf-stable kind is perfect)
  • 2 eggs (beaten like they owe you money)

Seasoning Blend (The Flavor Savior):

  • 1 tsp garlic powder (because peeling actual garlic is for suckers)
  • 1 tsp Italian seasoning (or just oregano if that’s all you’ve got)
  • ½ tsp salt (or to taste, if you’re one of those people who measures things with your heart)

For the Sides (The Vegetable Illusion):

  • 1 lb green beans (fresh or frozen – we don’t judge)
  • 2 medium sweet potatoes (cut into wedges or buy pre-cut because time is money)
  • 2 tbsp olive oil (or whatever oil won’t make your smoke alarm scream)

👩‍🍳 DIRECTIONS (AKA “HOW TO NOT FUCK IT UP”)

1️⃣ PREHEAT & PREP (THE MOST BORING STEP):

  • Crank that oven to 425°F.
  • Line two baking sheets with parchment (or don’t, and live your reckless life).

2️⃣ CRUST THAT CHICKEN (THE FUN PART):

  • In a bowl, mix panko, Parmesan, and seasoning blend.
  • Dip each tender in the beaten eggs, then roll in the crumb mix like it’s a TikTok trend.
  • Lay them on a baking sheet like they’re sunbathing.

3️⃣ ROAST THOSE VEGGIES (THE “HEALTHY” PART):

  • Toss green beans and sweet potato wedges with olive oil and a pinch of salt.
  • Spread them on the second baking sheet (crowding is against the rules).

4️⃣ BAKE & FLIP (THE “DON’T FORGET” STEP):

  • Chicken first: Bake for 15 minutes, flip, then bake 5 more minutes (or until crispy).
  • Veggies: Roast for 20 minutes total (stir halfway if you remember).

5️⃣ SERVE (OR EAT STANDING OVER THE SINK):

  • Plate it up like you meant to make a balanced meal.
  • Optional: Dunk in marinara, ranch, or tears of gratitude from your kids.

🍃 PANDA PRO TIPS

  • “No panko?” Crush up cornflakes, crackers, or even potato chips. Desperate times.
  • “Too lazy to flip?” Crank the broiler for 2 minutes at the end (but watch closely).
  • “Kids hate green beans?” Swap for broccoli or just hide them under the potatoes.
  • “Can I make this high?” Absolutely. Just set a timer so you don’t forget it’s in the oven.

💸 UPGRADE TO MY MEAL PLANS (COMING SOON!)

“This recipe is a sneak peek of my paid meal plans, where I do the math so you don’t have to. Imagine:
✅ Macros already calculated (because who has time for that?)
✅ 4-week rotating menus (so you never hear “this again?!”)
✅ Stoner-proof prep hacks (because cooking elevated is an art form).

Want first dibs? Slide into my DMs or stalk me on Instagram. Until then, enjoy your crispy tenders.

Real-AF Recipes

Real-AF Recipe: Potty Mouth Panda’s Emergency Pesto Pasta

Potty Mouth Panda

WHY YOU NEED THIS:
Because some nights you’re three seconds away from serving cereal for dinner (again), and that’s okay. This pesto pasta is your lifeline – minimal effort, maximum flavor, and zero fucks given. Plus, it’s technically green, so that counts as a vegetable, right?

📝 INGREDIENTS (OR WHATEVER’S IN YOUR PANTRY)

  • 12 oz pasta (any shape – even that half-box of spaghetti from 3 months ago works)
  • 1/2 cup olive oil (or whatever oil won’t make the smoke alarm go off)
  • 1/3 cup grated Parmesan (the cheap, shelf-stable kind is fine)
  • 1 garlic clove (or 1 tsp garlic powder if you’re really not trying)
  • 2 cups fresh spinach (optional, but let’s pretend we’re adults here)
  • 1/4 cup nuts (pine nuts, walnuts, or whatever’s not expired in your pantry)
  • Salt & pepper (to taste, or just shake some in like you mean it)
  • Juice of 1/2 lemon (if you have it, if not, send it anyway)

👩‍🍳 DIRECTIONS (AKA “HOW TO NOT BURN DOWN THE KITCHEN”)

1️⃣ COOK THE DAMN PASTA

  • Boil pasta in salted water until al dente (or until you remember it’s on the stove).
  • Drain, but save 1/2 cup pasta water (this is your “oh shit” insurance policy).

2️⃣ MAKE THE PESTO (OR DON’T, I’M NOT THE BOSS OF YOU)

  • In a blender/food processor (or a bowl with a fork if you’re keeping it real), combine:
    • Spinach, garlic, nuts, Parmesan, and lemon juice.
    • Pulse until it looks like green mush (that’s the good stuff).
    • Slowly drizzle in olive oil while blending (or just dump it in and hope for the best).

3️⃣ MIX IT ALL TOGETHER (THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS)

  • Toss the pasta with the pesto. If it’s too thick, add pasta water 1 tbsp at a time until it’s saucy.
  • Taste. Need salt? Add it. Need pepper? Go nuts. Need to zone out for 5 minutes? That’s step 4.

4️⃣ SERVE (OR EAT IT STRAIGHT FROM THE POT, WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE)

  • Top with extra Parmesan (or not, who cares).
  • Optional: Add crushed red pepper if your kids won’t stage a protest.
  • Pair with: Your favorite edible, a deep breath, or silent gratitude that dinner didn’t involve chicken nuggets (this time).

🍃 POTTY MOUTH PRO TIPS

  • “No blender?” Chop everything super fine and call it “rustic chic.”
  • “No nuts?” Skip ’em. This isn’t Top Chef.
  • “Too zooted to function?” Use store-bought pesto. No shame in your game.

💸 UPGRADE TO MY MEAL PLANS (COMING SOON!)

“This recipe is a sneak peek of my paid meal plans, where I do the thinking so you don’t have to. Imagine:
✅ Done-for-you grocery lists (no more forgetting the damn pasta)
✅ 4-week rotating menus (so you never hear “this again?!”)
✅ Stoner-proof prep hacks (because cooking elevated is an art form)

Want first dibs? Drop a comment or slide into my DMs over on socials. Until then, enjoy your damn pasta.